I AM DEVOTEE by Lynnie Beaurein

She’s how I survive. She’s how I get through each day.

In a body that doesn’t match what my mind tells me it should be.

My whole life I’ve fought, I’ve struggled to justify the different parts of me.

I’ve changed course and direction to try and keep moving forward.

I’ve tried to keep my head up; I’ve tried to find confidence and positivity thru the pain.

She doesn’t care that my body isn’t wasted.

She doesn’t care that I can walk.

She doesn’t care that I’ve run marathons.

She loves me for me, exactly as I am and exactly as I need to be.  

She accepts me; all of my broken mess. She’s a broken mess too.

A body that doesn’t match how I see myself,

a body that is not what I need it to be.

It’s been a struggle, a fight my whole life,

wishing to be broken when I’m whole.

One day she came, she could relate, she could understand.

She never questioned or judged.

She embraced me and understood me.

She made me feel, almost whole.

She accepted.

On days I have to walk, on days I hate my body,

On days when my true-self feels so far away…

She holds my wheelchair she’s my rock.

She keeps my secret she keeps it safe.

It’s as precious and guarded to her as it is to me.

She’s the only other person in the world who sees me, the way I see me.

She’s the only one who knows the real me.

When she sees me she sees brokenness, but she holds the pieces together.

She sees the way I wish my body was molded and shaped.

She never sees me standing, she only sees my chair.

Everything she sees, everything she imagines, is me, as I’m meant to be.

She’s helped me to fully see how I’m meant to be.

We both know the reality; we both know it’s not the truth.

We both know the truth may never be.

We’ve both felt hopeless about it, but she still sees me.

I’ve struggled with how to live in this body that isn’t mine.

It’s not perfect, we’re not perfect, but it’s the closest to perfect we’ll ever come.

In all its beauty in all its frustration, it’s the most joyful pain we’ve ever known.

We hold tight, we stay close, our sanity interdependent on the other.

We find our way and maybe someday…

Until that day…

I’ll be hers…

She’ll be mine…

Always….

1 thought on “I AM DEVOTEE by Lynnie Beaurein

  1. Lynnie, your poem/story is intriguing to me and I liked reading it. I read over it a couple of times to understand what it is about. I am not sure if I am reading it right but it is definitely different and it is daring and I like it. I had to choose between yours and someone else’s story to cast my vote. I enjoyed your story very much because it struck me as different and also moved me. I would love to get a better understanding as to what it is about.

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